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<title>The Great Bagel War of May 28 by ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184868">The Great Bagel War of May 28</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart/pseuds/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart'>ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dimension 20 (Web Series), Fantasy High</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Also Fig and Kristen are non-binary, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, How Do I Tag This, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Play war fake war somethinng, but not really because this is all very silly, hostility within the queer community, i wrote this in one sitting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:23:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,031</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28184868</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart/pseuds/ScatterbrainedLittleSweetheart</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The residents of Mordred Manor lived in harmony until the lesbian nation attacked.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Great Bagel War of May 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>There was a probably an easier way for me to explain my sexuality headcanons.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>8:00 am</p><p>The morning started off peacefully. Fig was groggily moving around the kitchen humming half finished songs to herself. They reached into the counter to grab a bag of bagels and was about to open it when a rouge Kristen Applebees grabbed their hand.</p><p>“Um, I was going to eat that.”  Kristen said. </p><p>“That’s funny because it looks like I’m about to eat it.”</p><p>“I have been eating  bagels for breakfast every day. Everyone knows that.”</p><p>“Yeah, the thing about that is you eat all of them. Every time I want one they’re already gone.”</p><p>“Then get them faster.”</p><p>“I literally-“</p><p>“Tracker, tell Fig that those bagels are mine.”</p><p>Tracker was half asleep at the kitchen table but was never one to let anything get in the way of her protecting her partner.</p><p>“Hey, if Kristen wants a bagel, then they get one.”</p><p>“Oh really, what’s stopping me from putting this bagel in the toaster and eating it right in front of their face?”</p><p>“The power of...the power of lesbians.”</p><p>There was a special kind of energy that only existed at Mordere Manor at eight in the morning and one pm am at night where a statement like that was not met with questioning but with threats.</p><p>“Oh yeah, well in that case Zayn! Zayn knock those stupid headphones off. Zayn! For god’s sake you’re a ghost you should be able to hear everything.”</p><p>“Yes?” Zayn asked boredly looking up from his crystal.</p><p>“I need you to join me and use the collective force of our bisexuality to stop Kristen from eating my rightfully earned bagel.”</p><p>“Sure whatever.” He turned to Kristen. “I demand you to give Fig those bagels.”</p><p>He then pointed finger guns at Kristen.</p><p>Kristen gasped.</p><p>“How dare you. Come on Tracker. This means war!.”</p><p>The teens stared intently at each other for a few moments not making any moves. After a while Adaine stumbled into the kitchen. She still had bags under her eyes and bed head and probably hadn’t been up for long. </p><p>“Adaine! We’re in a stalemate and we need a mediator between us.” Fig said. </p><p>Adaine nodded uncertainly </p><p>“What do you need help with?”</p><p>“Fig is trying to eat  my bagel that I have eaten every single day for months now and that everyone knows I eat.”</p><p>“Kristen is a greedy capitalist hoarder who refuses to share their numerous bagels with anyone else. They have joined with Tracker in the name of lesbians. I asked Zayn to join me in the name of the bis. You’re probably ace so you can act as a neutral ground here.”</p><p>“What makes you think being ace makes me neutral?”</p><p>“I mean-“</p><p>“Maybe this ace also wants a bagel but hasn’t been able to get it.”</p><p>“You don’t mean?” Kristen started.</p><p>“That’s right. I will be my own team. This ace is finally getting her bagel.”</p><p>The teens resumed their dirty looks at each other while continuing to not making any moves.”</p><p>“This isn’t going to work. We need to strategize. But not in front of all of you. Kristen, to the living room. We need a base of operations.” Tracker said.</p><p>“Well if you get a base then so do we. Zayn, upstairs. We get the top floor.”</p><p>“But then where am I going to go?” Adaine said.</p><p>“I don’t know! The stairs?”</p><p>“Well if you’re going to take all the top floor and you get the bottom floor, then all tunnels automatically go to me.”</p><p>“Truce. We fight til blood.”</p><p> </p><p>12:00 pm </p><p>Mordred was barricaded from top to bottom with various pillows and blankets. The bi, ace and lesbian flag was held high on the top floor, stairs, and bottom floor respectively. Fig and Kristen had been patrolling around  their stations back and forth for the past hour or so while Adaine sat in the middle of the stairs giving the stink eye from both sides. It was at this point Jawbone woke up and exited his bedroom.</p><p>“Code Cool Dad has awoken, over. I repeat, Code Cool Dad has awoken, over.” Zayn said into a hairbrush that was acting as a walkie talkie </p><p>“Um, what is happening?” </p><p>Fig came over to him.</p><p>“Jawbone, now that you have awoken you can join the Bi Nation.”</p><p>“The what?”</p><p>“Bi nation. You know cause you’re bi. We’re at war with Lesbian and Ace nation over the prized passion of the last bagel.”</p><p>“Now I have no clue what’s going on but as an older queer person I feel the need need to explain that division within the queer community leads to nothing but toxicity and strife. Letting labels -“</p><p>“Yeah yeah yeah, I know that. I just really wanted that bagel.”</p><p>“Isn’t there a way you can compromise?”</p><p>“No! This is war.”</p><p>“Again, members of the LGBTQ+ community are not at war with one another.”</p><p>“Let me just get you a nerf gun.”</p><p>“Can I at least go downstairs?”</p><p>Jawbone moved next to the edge of the stairs only to be met with nerf guns pointed in his direction. </p><p>“Good morning Uncle Jawbone. I’d love to let you downstairs but unfortunately as you are a member of the Bi Nation I can’t let you do that.” Tracker said</p><p>“Tracker, I’ve tried for so long to teach you the importance of unity with your fellow members of the queer community.”</p><p>“I know you took me to my first pride. But also there isn’t anything good on TV and Basar’s is closed right now cause he’s on vacation so there’s like nothing better to do today.”</p><p>“Can I be exempt on the terms that I have really important files in the kitchen.”</p><p>“Jawbone! We can’t let silly things like files get in the way of war. Hey, my room is downstairs! And I left my bass there!” Fig said.</p><p>“Wait, my room is upstairs. And I left my crystal up there.” Tracker said.</p><p>“Ugh, let me see.” Fig said tapping her foot. “Kristen Applebees, she/they to she/they can we reach a point of solidarity in the name of a truce.”</p><p>Kristen slowly lowered the nerf gun.</p><p>“Sure.” </p><p>“Will you be willing to trade my bass and Jawbone’s files and my crystal in exchange for Trackers crystal?.”</p><p>“From one she/they to another she/they, I will concede.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Fig turned to Jawbone. “You see, solidarity.”</p><p> </p><p>13:00</p><p>Sandra Lynn opened the door to Mordred Manor to the two teens with war paint in the lesbian colors on their face pointing nerf guns at her.</p><p>“What the fuck?”</p><p>“Sandra Lynn, as a member of the Bi Nation you have two options, fight or surrender as a prisoner.” Tracker said</p><p>“The Bi what? I just got back from work. What the hell happened this time?”</p><p>“Mom, run. You’re a badass ranger. I know you can make past enemy territory.” Fig shouted.</p><p>“Again. What the hell?”</p><p>“We’re at war. Fig was about to eat my bagel, so the lesbians, bisexuals, and our one ace sniper are now all at war with each other to determine who gets it.” Kristen explained.</p><p>“Look, kids. I don’t know what you’ve been reading online, but fighting with other members of the queer community is-“</p><p>“We know we know. This has nothing to do anyone’s identify. I have nothing but love and support for my bi friends.” Tracker said.</p><p>“And our ace friends.” Kristen added</p><p>“Yes, and our ace friend-“ She started before turning behind her. “Like the one who is running towards the kitchen to grab the last bagel, Kristen, attack!”</p><p>As Kristen and Tracker ran towards the kitchen, Sandra Lynn made her way up the stairs.</p><p>“So much for my relaxing afternoon.” She grumbled </p><p>“Mom!” Fig shouted as she hugged her.</p><p>“So can I go back downstairs? I have laundry.”</p><p>“Nope that’s lesbian nation. Off limits.”</p><p>“What if I need to pee?”</p><p>“We stationed Ragh in front of the bathroom. He’s neutral ground.”</p><p>“Boggy and Edgar are there too.” Zayn added.</p><p>“Sure, sure. You know what, I didn’t want to do laundry anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>15:00</p><p>Alewyn entered Mordred Manor only to nearly trip over Kristen.</p><p>“Ack!”</p><p>“Tracker, put down your weapons. It’s a fellow member of Lesbian nation.”</p><p>“What’s going on? Why are my pillows on the stairs? Why is my sister tied up with a jump rope on the couch?”</p><p>“Hello there, fellow lesbian. We are asking you to join our team in the Great Bagel War of May 28” </p><p>“The what now?”</p><p>“The battle over the last bagel Please don’t get hung up on the sexuality. That really doesn’t have anything to do with anything. Hey, wait, Fig! You didn’t feel like I was attacking you when I said I would stop you with the power of lesbians?”</p><p>“Uh, no. I think I was too distracted by how badly I wanted that bagel.”</p><p>“Oh that’s good. Because I love you and I love that you’re bi.”</p><p>“And I love you. And I love that you’re a lesbian.”</p><p>“Aw. Now, Alewyn, will you take this gun and promise to shoot at anyone who trespasses over our territory.”</p><p>Alewyn scowled. </p><p>“Can’t we please be normal for once. Don’t those bagels come with two stuck together?.”</p><p>“Alewyn, when have you ever eaten a bagel and only eaten one half of one?”</p><p>“Uh, well I only just learned those things existed like two weeks ago, so never.” </p><p>“Close enough. Join us.</p><p>“Can you unhand my sister?” </p><p>Adaine spoke up.</p><p>“Oh I can take these off at any time. I’m just keeping them on for dramatic effect.”</p><p>“I stay at Sam’s for one night! You know for all my faults I was never homophobic. That only happened after I met all of you.”</p><p> </p><p>15:30</p><p>At this point in their realtionship Ayda didn’t really ask beforehand if she could visit. She just came in through the doorway in Fig’s wall and would go throughout the manor to look for them if they weren’t currently in their room. Today, however, things looked a bit different when she entered the living room.</p><p>“Ayda!” Kristen, Tracker, Adaine, and Aelwyn all cried at once. </p><p>“Ayda!” Fig exclaimed.</p><p>“Um, were you all doing something? Is there some sort of game you’re all playing? Can you teach me?”</p><p>“Uh, well, Ayda, you see,” Kristen said stumbling over herself. “How do I explain this in a way that doesn’t sound weird?”</p><p>“You have not been concerned about that for all the time we’ve been here.” Alewyn said.</p><p>“We’re kind of in a war right now. Not for real, it’s just pretend, for fun.”</p><p>“I see. I think.”</p><p>“Kristen stop! She/they to she/they we need to call a truce. I can’t fight my girlfriend.” Fig cried as she went down the stairs</p><p>“Why would you need to fight me?”  Ayda said alarmed.</p><p>Fig walked over to her girlfriend and hugged her.</p><p>“Um, we got into this really stupid fight over bagels. Not for real, like Kristen said. We were just goofing off. But as a lesbian you would’ve been on enemy team and I refuse to let that happen.”</p><p>“I don’t really understand what’s happening but I’m very glad that you wouldn’t fight me.” </p><p>“Me too.” Fig said planting a kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek. “Kristen, we can just split the bagel.”</p><p>“Finally. I can go upstairs to my room. Now Adaine take off that stupid rope.” Alewyn said.  </p><p>She stormed over to the kitchen and waved the bag of bagels in front of everyone</p><p>“Now eat those stupid bread rocks you guys like for some reason.”  She gave the bag a closer look. “Oh my god! These things are expired by like a month!”</p><p>“So that’s`why they’ve been so crunchy lately.” Kristen said. </p><p>“Aelwyn, please don’t remind me I have to go grocery shopping, just as I’m about to do laundry.” Sandra Lynn called as she headed downstairs. </p><p>“Now you see kids. Queer solidarity over infighting. Division only serves to keep us down which benefits no one but the cisheteronoramtive culture-“</p><p>Tracker cut him off. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah whatever. Now does anyone wanna fill these toy guns with water so we can have a water fight in the backyard?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can totally write sweet, heartwarming, emotional fan fiction. I don’t do that. Yes I will continue to spend my Boggy/Edgar propaganda. Please don’t fight with over queer people over labels and identities and who has it worse. Solidarity, loves. Also I’m very new to ao3 please let me know if I tagged this wrong.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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